self help modivaton


Last Night, as I am staying in the basement of my mothers place in my mothers place where I grew up as a child, in North Vancouver, BC, Canada.   I have rented my condo in downtown Vancouver so that I have enough resources to closely work towards a goal in my mind: that I am the man who brought my business to 80 countries and 250,000 places…

Yet on this night, working all day and all night, I needed to see people and to take at least a few hours break. Where my mother lives is in Lynn Valley, it’s in the forest, in a small town, in North Vancouver where everything shuts down early, so i took my bike with my napsack with my laptop to work from a coffee shop and to help with any deliveries that the team could need for Vancouver in the business.

As I got downtown, I went to an area called Coal Harbor, a very nice seaside place overlooking North Vancouver and the Mountains and Burrard Inlet, with a cosmopolitan feel and a break from it all as I enjoyed some pastries food from la Breka, and a few cans of coolers.

Now it was a very hot day and I couldnt bear the heat as I had my Jeans and Sweatshirt on, so I went into Stanley Park to take off my pants and sweatshirt to just leave me with my white Tshirt and my Underwear. I had my bike and was just me and my underwear and a shirt at night time but boy I enjoyed these moments on my own, thinking of my enterprise, how to bring it to the next level, what steps I need to take…so I felt very good…

Now in my mind, I wanted to take my night to the next level, to like the times when I was a young Adult, or younger adult in my 20s or 30s, Im 53 now, and go into the DiscoTek and Dance in my Black Calvin Kline Underwear! I felt it wasn’t an offensive pair of underwear, they were black Calvin Klein long legged underwear similar to the tight black biking gear you see from professional riders so I felt I wasnt too out of place. …of course with that pare of underwear I could show off my best feature of me my long wide legs which will show and I then be that guy with the moves on the Dance Floor. So I had my knapsack with my Jeans, my sweatshirt, my laptop all packed up and ready to go and about to speed towards the Disco Bar and pay my entrance fee and get on the dance floor and feel on the top of this world and a couple of beers in me to raise my spirits, well fed, and ready for some action and have some fun!!

I saw myself having so much fun on the dance floor, I was watching the people dance, then I led myself to dance with myself and with the people there and just laughing and smiling and enjoying and I saw myself in that and i said Thats how its going to be!!

Finally I checked my bag, where I had my keys to secure my bike and I now see that I forgot my keys at my mothers downstairs room. I couldn’t lock up my bike, and on that set of keys, was also my key to my condo to store my bike and my knapsack because I didn’t want to go into the bar with my BIke Helmet, it was a Snowboard helmet white huge, with my knapsack and bike. Considering bikes get stolen within minutes unsecured downtown Vancouver, and i didnt feel that dancing with a knapsack and having my bike on the road was going to be a solution as I danced the night away at Studio. So I felt at that moment, forget about it.

But then as I sat and looked over the water, and the mountains, Stanley Park, and then I remember my dreams of building my company and visualizing myself with a company already built around the world with pure success, I said how can I make that possible If I can’t find the way to get to my dream tonight…to Dance at the Studio in my underwear and laugh and smile the whole night away as my break away from the grind…

So as i was saying that to myself, I said now wait a minute, you need to have the courage to find the way to get to that goal you set for yourself at the Studio Bar, you need to find a place to store your bike, your bag, and your SnowBoard Helmet and enter the dance studio and put yourself in that visual scenario which you envisioned for yourself tonight.

So I came up with an idea: why don’t I go to the owner of Studio, who is always there at the Distoteck and ask him if its OK to store my bike in the back of his restaurant, so that it is safe and put my knapsack there and my helmet and go into the Disco…So as fast as I could, I raced on my bike direct to the issue at hand which was to convince the owner of the bar to store my items….

As I raced there, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I began to doubt. I questioned: he is probably going to say no, he won’t do it. But let’s try. Let’s see what he says. I had the vision of me on that dance floor and having a good time with a beer in my hand, with great music, and I was a dance sensation like my times in my 20s and 30s so I pedaled faster, and faster, as I road up the hill, and passed Burrard Street, and onto Smythe Street and I raced to confront the man that I felt is the only obstacle left to get into the bar and start dancing in my underwear. So I got there and I didn’t see him..but I saw the 2 bouncers at the front, and I took my headphones off and I ask the first bouncer I said “Hey how you doing, can I store my bike in the bar or disco, and my knapsack behind the counter…” and he abruptly said “NO no, no you can’t do that”…and he was very stern about it so I didn’t bother to ask again…then I looked down at my attire, with my tshirt and my underwear which I could now see that you can see the shape of my bulge and i felt a bit uncomfortable but asked “well if i find a place to put my bike, can you let me go in like this?” and he said “up nope, nope, ummm” and waved a hand for me to leave…and at that moment I said, Yah this aint going to as I started to ride my bike back away with plans to just leave…i saw the Owner, the same guy I saw in my mind half an hour before as I sat on a park bench, relishing the moment of getting on that Dance Floor and enjoying some great times by getting the Owner to let me store my bike so as He finished a conversation at the front of his bar next to the dance floor, I asked him “Hey buddy, how are yah can I store My bike here at the back While I go to your Disco I’ll pay Double to get in” and he looked me up and down and he said for the first time “What do you think I am. You think I am , get outta here!” in a sarcastic way..but I said to myself, I am going to ask him again, I feel to some extent he enjoys it. I come to his bar once and a while for a beer, so I asked him again “Man you are the man. So let me store it here…” and again he came back “Look I am not so get the heck out of here” half jokingly but firmly.

So at that point I was deeply discouraged. I began to pedal away and give up..I felt that that was that. I tried my main idea at the time in my mind, but failed. I failed with the Bouncers, I failed with the Owner, I have nowhere to store it, so now I am going to have to pedal back home or hop on a bus, which was the 240 bus and the stop was a few blocks away….

So as I pedaled back towards the bus stop I began to get more discouraged and I said to myself, man, this is a simple task to solve and I am giving up so easy, How are you going to build a worldwide enterprise in 80 countries and 250,000 places if you can’t solve this issue and get into the bar as you wanted as you envisioned yourself.

So as I pedaled and pedaled I began to think well at my building where I live, Although I don’t have the key for my condo, the security pass, nor the key for the bike storage, I had my phone, and my phone I could buzz myself into the building and then once inside the building I can talk to the concierge, and although a very long short, but depending on which concierge, I could ask him to find me a key for the storage locker for my bike, so as I went into the building and encountered the concierge, he was a new guy and made a strong attempt to find a key that would get me in the storage locker to store my bike, and If i could at least do that, I could also store my helmet and my knapsack with the bike and it would be safe! While I go dancing the night away and then get my bike back and race back to my mothers basement or catch the bus before the last one of the night goes by….

So I told the concierge to look for P0005, and I need the key to get into that stall and store my bike. But as he was frantically looking, he came back and said, I’m so sorry, there is P0001 and POOO7 but no P00005. Finally after that, and what happened with the owner, and with the bouncers, and unable to store my bike, I felt that that was the last chance to get and enjoy that wonderful epic night i imagined in my mind and while leaving I could see that my underwear looked like underwear you could see my package and that was not a very good thing with a 53 year old going into a bar to enjoy as if I was in my 20s but I said at that moment I was conquered, i’m just going home now so I took my bike towards the bus stop near the Stadium…where I can board the bus, put the bike on the mount and ride home, although not succeeding in fulfilling my dream of that night in the Disco, but at least I tried as I began to justify why I gave up.

So I had one final beer in my knapsack, one more joint, and i went to breka to get a wonderful chocolate cream filled bun, and with that one cooler left, the one joint and that creamy filling chocolate bun, I can sit down in a nice calm place, put on my headphones, start to regain my perspective in my company, and the board the bus back to my mothers place, peacefully and get a good night sleep for the next night.

As I was sitting there…happy on my own, I saw three men coming out of Brown’s Restaurant, and I recognized one! It was my good friend Carlos and I yelled “Carlos S it’s me!!!”’’ he saw me and he said “Graham! What you doing so good to see you” and I also recognized the other 2 friends who they also said Hi and I always remember I bump into Carlos at Special times during the months as I see him downtown from Time to Time…and that I was so happy to see him..even if it was for a few minutes I said to him “You know bro. We are Family” which is what we always say when we are having a beer together…

And as he walked away…i began to think again..i said. Wow. there goes Carlos…and now i’m going back to sleep at my mothers place and i Gave UP going to that Studio Disco tec I so badly wanted to go to…and I thought about my company, the massive and the impressive Goal I have that I can see myself operating in 80 countries and 250,000 places, a boyhood dream I always felt that I could pull off as my father always said I was and I am good at Math and deserve to be a great engineer and success one day like Jimmy Pattison.

So as I thought…knowing that it was only midnight…not too late, and knowing that the final bus to North Vancouver is not until 3am….so I had a way to come back to my mothers place either by bus or by bike (with no light), and now I had to solve this problem, which seems so simple but again to find the solution is the challenge: I wanted to go to STUDIO BAR, to Enjoy the Night like no other Night! Seeing myself at the Dance floor looking on….and then I dug deep. Here is what I concluded: I have no key for my condo, no place to store my bike, a knapsack and a helmet to store, I said to myself, well with my phone, I have access to my condo and my floor, I can bring my bike to outside my condo and leave it there, with my knapsack and helmet, the concierge I would have to have the courage again to ask the concierge to buzz me up to 8th floor and to trust I am an owner on that floor, but that would be such a challenge to leave my stuff in the hallway and would be a great disturbance to the neighbors there and also a chance of my items getting stolen.

So I said as a final thought..well what if the Condo door is unlocked? The concierge can let me up, then I can get to my condo, put my bike inside the condo, leave my knapsack, freshen up, and go as a King to the Studio as I accomplished my goal, what I promised myself, even after the bouncer said no to storage, the owner as well, and finally the building where I have my condo did not have the key to store my bike. So I raced towards the place at the fastest pace, having FAITH that somehow the door would be unlocked.

As I got inside the building again, the concierge was very surprised to see me, He asked me what i needed now and I said please buzz me up to the 8th floor, trust me that I am an owner, and let me get access to my condo, but not telling him I did not have the key for my condo, and not telling im the small chance of me deciding to store my bike in the hall with my other stuff while I go to the dance floor at Studio on Granville…

Well as I walked towards my condo, suite 802….I had faith it would all work out somehow. I know that chances in life appear in so many places and that as I approached I turned the door handle slowly…and it opened. The Door Opened!! 🙂 It opened and I put my bike there. In the kitchen, I left a note to my 2 roomies, to LEAVE the Door Unlocked as I am coming back for my bike!!

I also looked down at my attire, my underwear, it was very hot outside but I said this will be a bit offensive, so I went into my knapsack, got my pants out, and put them on, freshened up in the washroom, got the notes to my roomies carefully presented all over the condo, which I used a spare pen I found in my knapsack and some paper towel…

Then Finally, standing up straight, with Stars in my eyes, and knowing that I am This close, so close to now going to Studio , to enjoy that moment that I saw, against all odds!! Against the Owner, the bouncers, the concierge, the keys, all the obstacles that to now be in this position to capitalize on this moment of turning that dream into reality.

I left a note outside on the hallway, as a second reminder not to lock the door, because if the door was locked by one of my roomies, I would be walking 20 kilometers back to my mothers place or I wouldn’t have the option to sleep on the kitchen floor to wake up and go to my mothers place the next day…

As I went down the elevator to the front desk and as I walked out onto Granville, I light up another thought, and arrived walking with such pride and joy that as I entered the bar and studio, I got myself a beer, then walked right to the place I envisioned where I would be: looking over the dance floor, hearing the music, and then I simply began to dance the night away…….I AM WHAT I AM AS I SEE IT AND KEEP GOING

Graham Gordon Alexander Aguilar

July 30 2022